there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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