we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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