Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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