The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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