I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
