Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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