Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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