Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
