So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
