Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
