he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
