just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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