that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
