the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
