I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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