i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
