Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
