i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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