i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
