It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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