i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
