I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
