I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
