You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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