why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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