I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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