I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
