It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
