no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
