I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
