I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sext me about skeletons
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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