Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize