i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
