I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
