My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
