i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
