I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
