Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
