Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
