Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
