just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
