i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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