i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
