My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
