im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
