I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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