had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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