Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
