I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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