If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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