if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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