My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
